Beyond Fear for Good

I have been feeling so much happiness over the past few days.

It’s not that I do not feel fear in this chaotic era of corona pandemics. Supermarket shelves emptied by panicked hands, police squads patrolling deserted streets, overwhelmed medical staff, curfews… resuscitate harrowing hours of human history. I was already missing the presence and touch of people I love and am now locked down with my two children in a foreign country for an indefinite period of time. I feel so devastated by the situation of people that are much more vulnerable than I am in terms of health or finances, that I try not to drown in despair. The evolution of the crisis at the international level is unfathomable. And as I let the new rule of ‘social distancing’ sink in, a hot spell of fear bordering nausea shakes my body violently.

Before the shaking recedes, slowly. I can feel my heartbeat calming down, the fire leaving my cheeks, and my mind clearing up. I thank vipassana for giving me the tools to let all emotions come and go, be born and die, passing through me. Elation is back, blossoming in white flowers inside my chest, for today’s reality is far greater than what fear shows us. As I have learned how to ‘feel fear’, seeing it for what it is – in my case, a red, nauseatingly burning wave, which dismantles my mind and leaves my whole body trembling for a while, in a silent cacophony – an unknown space beyond fear has opened up. And it is beautiful.

Hence, I am happy.

I am happy that everything we thought we knew is now up in the air for everybody to see. The predictability of our lives and the stability of the world around us were both a construct and an illusion. This standstill shows we really can create another world the day we choose to.

I am happy we are slowing down, and mechanically reducing the exploitation of nature, pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. At last, we are giving the non-human world a break, even if it is only for a short while. I have heard of dolphins back in Venice and of the blue sky in China. These visions drew a large smile on my face.

I am happy my children do not have to get up at dawn at the sound of an alarm, and that we spend our days together working, cooking, doing art and sharing wild ideas. Of course, we disagree, we fight, we are mad at each other, but that’s how we grow. We feel so much more alive than when I drop them to school.

I am happy it is spring, the light is fresh, the air is warm, flowers are sprouting everywhere, and the tender green of buds is irresistible. Who would believe that the Earth we have so damaged would continue to gift us such wonders through the years? I feel driven to walking barefoot through the humid grass and to taking a dip in every glistening cold brook, just like a child would.

I am happy people start sharing love for real. I have never received so many pulsating red hearts in my Whatsapp messages. Disarmingly honest words and deep emotions have been offered to me. Heartfelt, raw, imperfect connections, through whatever medium, have transformed solitary times into morning sun moments.

I am happy I have dedicated my life to the regeneration of people, communities, and ecosystems, so as to build our resilience to whatever happens, be it climate instability, ecosystems’ collapse or a global health crisis, such as the one we live in today. There are tools, ideas and practices that have helped me and others, and could maybe help you too. I am glad if the work we do with artists, scientists, social workers and community members can make us all feel some of the bliss that has been shining through me those past few days.

You are free to choose, but I would like these trying times to be the start of a new relationship to ourselves, our communities and nature around us. I am ready to give it all in – I feel I have no choice. But we will need many more people on the deck, contributing the best they can with whatever they have, so we come out of those unstable times with a more beautiful and loving world than the one we lived in before

I am happy to connect with anyone who shares the dream.